Perfect Day in the Big Easy

I turn 40 in three months.

My wife is turning 40 in two days.

Currently, we are in New Orleans.   This is her birthday trip.   I hope she has the greatest time ever.

At the moment, I am sitting at a computer in the lobby of our hotel- wasting time until I know that she and my son will be fast asleep.   My snoring keeps them up.  I hate being a burden.   I want them to have the opportunity to have the best of everything- which includes sleep.   

Also, I hate sleeping- especially at moments like this.   We just had a perfect day.

At 8 AM today, I sat in a seat at the airport watching my son and wife line up to board a plane.   I listened to him talk about how excited he was to be traveling.   I smiled as this beautiful woman, my wife, smiled at him and told him that she was excited too.   I did what I am continually training myself to do- I just took a mental video and let myself how happy I was to have these two people with me.

At 10:30 AM, we touched down in the Big Easy.   At 10:12, my 8 year old son realized that he really had to go the bathroom.  I worried forever at the embarassment that could have ensued- but he made it.   And the airport was amazing.  It was obviously newly renovated.  It was awe-inspiring to me.  I loved the new construction.   At the bag check, our bags came quickly and most importantly, there were musicians playing a welcome in the airport.

A quick, easy ride from the airport to our hotel, the Townplace Suites by Marriott on Canal St.   The staff was so welcoming.   We were allowed to check in early!   Our room was amazing.   

Then we were off to one of the best sandwiches I have ever had- a roast beef po boy from Parkway Bakery and Tavern.   I ate where my favorite President had eaten.

After an amazing lunch- we went to City Park for a playdate at the Louisiana Children's Museum.  There, my son, the aspiring chef was able to play in an amazing play kitchen.    I loved watching him at every station of that museum.   His laughter when he is having so much fun is contagious.   His joy makes me joyful- and obviously, overly-sentimental.

Miles' day was perfected with his first ever beignet.   He loved every bite and covered himself in powdered sugar.   It was hilarious watching him.  

Amber has a big day tomorrow.   More family and some surprises still to be had.   I can't wait to see her face.   I love when things work for her.   There truly is no greater joy than having the people you love most experience happiness.

An unapologetically overly sentimental wax on my work

The bandroom is quiet now. We just finished our first game of the year. There were some problems. There are things to worry about Monday. But here, in this silence- I'm so happy.

Tonight had so many of my favorite things. I wanted to make sure they were captured here.

I work with great, talented young people. I get to watch them grow up, and in marching band, I get to see the biggest changes.

I see freshmen on their first performances. They are struggling just to fit in and find the right notes. This is the first time a lot of them have performed a piece by memory for the general public. They are green. They are new. They're still kids.

In the same group are these other grown ups. Well, not quite. But the older kids set the tone. I love having them make this group important. It always floors me watching them lead. Selfishly, I watch them thinking how they reflect the best part of me. They grow into great people. And I love them for it.

Tonight, I had former students come back and watch the band. They came and said hello to their friends still in school. Some gave me hugs. All of them made me feel like a proud papa. I was so glad to watch them and am glad to have known them. Selfishly, I hope to be part of their great stories or part of what they today remember about high school.

Even on the toughest days of this job, I feel so blessed. I'm working my passion. Nothing wrong with that. I count myself in a lucky class. I graduated to be in school for the rest of my life and it has made my life feel full.

Definition Self- 10 years later

I'm now 38.   Things are definitely different.  I am different.

At 38, I would say that the thing that currently defines me most is that I'm a dad.   I'm somebody's father, and it is glorious.   My son is 6 and 11/12s this month.   That's what he would tell you, and I love that he is that exact.  I love that he is a quick learner.  I love that he is enthralled with the world of Nintendo.  I love that he loves to play with my tablet and my phone.   I love that I have to limit his activities and amount of time with them.  I love that he loves to sing.   Currently, we are learning the Presidents of the United States in order using a song. 

I have become someone scarred by the loss of my father.   Over the last four years, I watched my dad valiantly battle cancer.   I was lucky enough to hear from him multiple times that he was proud of me and that he loved me.   I watched him battle for every day of his life versus a disease that would constantly rob him of things that he loved.   Each time I came home to him, I felt like cancer took something new.   It pulled him away from the driver's seat of a car, then it pulled him off the golf course, then it put him in a wheel chair, then it kept him in a bed, and then it took his life.   At the end of this life, I was there with my mother and my sister at his bedside as he passed.   His death still hurts me now.  I can't talk about it out loud without tears.   Apparently, I can't type about it either.   What was beautiful- was that I always felt like it never robbed him all the way of his smile.   Of his joy of simple things.   Of his ability to love his family.   Even as he fought for his life, my dad taught me so much and made me so proud.   His primary concerns always felt like they were for us and what he would be leaving behind.   As much as his death hurt me, it managed to do a wonderful thing in how much it has made me able to make problems small and how it has made me love people and my time more.   It has been 14 months since his death- but him not being here still makes me feel so sad.

I am also someone scarred by the loss of two people that I saw as my brothers.  You make this pact when you enter in a relationship.   As hard as you love someone, you are making deposits in how much not being with them is going to demolish you.   As much as they change you, as much as they allow you to be yourself, it truly is a loss when they are no longer there.   There's a real beauty in that pain.   I don't feel right putting their names here- but it has been truly a tough 14 months.

How would I define myself at 38?   I'm more grown up.   I'm now feeling the burden of time two ways.   I have family and close friends that have died.   I have a son that is growing up quickly.   I'm striving every day to live in the moment.   I'm taking photos so that in the silence- I can live in the past.   I still love making and listening to great music.   I feel like I value true silence more.   Every day, I still am grateful.   I'm very lucky.  I grew up with the best dad.  I still have the best mom, sister, and in-laws.   I married the right girl- who has helped me build an amazing life.   We have a son who takes everything great in my life to an 11.   We cheer on the Mets together.   We are learning together.  I love him for all of the little moments he makes special for me- waking up, going to school, picking up from school, going to Casey's, practicing piano, playing games, singing songs, and being silly.   I have friends in my life that I love.   My family gets bigger every day- with new students, new alumni who turn to friends, and new friendships.   So- I guess at my core- I've grown up-  I've changed- but I still wake up every day grateful.

My First Father's Day

In honor of my first father's day, a letter to my son who is, like me, waiting for the Korean government to give us the word to come get him.

Dear Miles,

We are not flesh and blood. However, we are both the beneficiaries of the best of coincidences. No, that's not even correct. You saved me, Miles. At this point of my life, I was questioning my trust in fate. You being placed into our family re-affirmed my beliefs. You kept my hope alive that there is something out there. You may not be solid enough proof for anyone else, but for me, you and your placement in my life- keeps my hope alive that there are unseen forces at work entrusting us with duties to appreciate and choices to make. You are a blessing for me, Miles. You complete a family years in the making- and for me, you are the answer to questions fired into the universe. I hope that I do my part to help you become a great man- just like my dad did for me. I want to lead you by example and service. I want to teach you with calm, cool, but high expectations. I will love you unconditionally.

I cannot wait for you to be here. I want as long to carry you around before you get legs and an itch to move and run. I apologize for the amount that I will spoil you at first. I promise not enough to forever turn you into a brat. You deserve me to be a better parent than that. I just want to make up for lost time.

You, son, are quickly taking over my whole day without being here. I want so very much to be the greatest father for you, because I will want you to be as lucky as I am with my life. I have had the ability to do exactly what I have wanted to do with my life. I have had the best relationships a man can ask for. I can't wait for you to meet our family- your Lolo, Lola, Grandpa, Grandma, Aunts, Uncles, Great Grandmother. The amount of people over here ready to love and care for you with all their hearts always overwhelms me to point of tears. Past our flesh and blood relatives, I can't wait for you to meet the other family that your mother and I have come to know over the years. The love that I share with those people should provide you with the perfect example of how although not flesh and blood- real family also exists in the amount of care and concerned shared in a lifetime.

Son, in the end, I will know that I have done well if you have a life passion that you follow to your heart's content. I wait with bated breath to get starting helping you grow. I cannot wait to celebrate your successes (large and small). I can't wait to help you correct your mistakes. I even can't wait to clean up any gross mess that you will make. You, son, are a life event for me. I love you.

The Makings of a Perfect Day

I have to pay homage to the day I had yesterday. Nothing entirely important happened, but so many little, great things happened all on the same day that it has made me grateful enough to write about it and immortalize it on this blog/journal for someone to look back on later. You may think that it was just a day for someone who is easily satisfied and impressed- to that I can only counter with the fact that I am guilty of being both of those and to that effect have thoroughly lived my life amazed at least once every day. I have a wondrous existence.

The day began brilliantly- I cuddled with my wife in bed after hitting the snooze button. That's the best way to start any day. Especially because after she left for work, I went back to sleep for another hour!

After the bonus hour of sleep, I awoke and began my day with music from the Muppet Movie. "Everything is great. Everything is grand. I've got the whole wide world in the palm of my hand." What a great mantra for the day! For the week! I think for the rest of my life. Smiling at saccharine music and bopping around the house, getting ready for my day. I enjoyed the happiness of the song and the paradox of a 32-year old man allowing the Muppets to color his morning routine with giddiness. My time alone ends with a text reading "you can come play minecraft" sent from one of my favorite people, who happens to be staying with us, sleeping in the basement mid-visit. I always love any time that I have with my Meghan.

Getting to spend time with one of your favorite people is great- but getting to spend time with one of your favorite people AND mozzarella sticks! Holy cow! On top of that- I was gifted FREE rectangle pizza from the ladies in the school lunch room. Small gifts make life grand. I don't think the lunch ladies realized how much impact they were having on my already great day. They had to have been a major catalyst. Rectangle school cafeteria pizza is one my life's favorite foods. I hadn't had a slice of it in almost a decade- but yesterday I enjoyed one- FOR FREE!

The afternoon continued with more small victories. A fifteen-minute successful shopping expedition for a gift for an important 3-year-old's birthday party, some free time for minecraft, and getting to take drive in my wonderful Quest to my favorite barbecue joint.

The night time was colored with even greater moments. A no-hitter 51 years in the making (Johan Santana vs. St. Louis Cardinals), a Celtics play-off win, a couple of wins playing darts, drinks with two of the greatest loves of my life, and some time marveling at the wonderful architecture and happenings (LGBT Block Party in the Power and Light) in downtown Kansas City. It was like a Christmas of memories made and wonderful laughter/joy. As I type this and re-live every moment yesterday, my eyes are wide with joy and my lips ache from the seismic smiling.

Late night was, like the rest of the day, sunshine and puppy dog perfect. Nothing adult, we had a friend staying with us after all- but laughter, dubstep, music (still debating whether dubstep counts....), and yet another memory made with Meg. I'm forgetting to mention a marvelous donut and an amazing set of rice crispy treats varied with added fruit loops and Apple Jack dust.

It was nothing monumental, but it was awesome. It was a day that I will be grateful for for a long time to come. Thanks for sharing it with me.

Musical Moments of my Life to this point at 32

Music has been an essential part of who I am- making music has found me every love of my life (outside of the New York Mets and Optimus Prime- I guess....).

Moments that stick out in my mind:

#1 Drumline show my senior year of high school- this experience was the experience that led me to my life's passion. I loved every second of creating that show. I was lucky enough to have a teacher that entrusted me to pick music, write drill, and lead rehearsals. After working with young musicians for almost a decade now, I know that I was an exceptional high school student- but I know that I was truly blessed by people that let me take charge and peers that followed my direction- and added their own flavors and expertise. Drumline was the first place where I felt the power of music to help you achieve more than you imagined and let me feel like I was part of a family creating the perfect moment. That drumline show was one of my first perfect moments.

#2 Playing a song I had written for my first love in the auditorium and watching her have an emotional moment to it. There is nothing more powerful than a beautiful woman weeping tears of joy to something that you have created.

#3 Watching the girl that would be my wife listening to what would be our first wedding dance in her dorm room. I don't think think she was a huge Ben Folds fan before that day- but I fell even more in love with her watching her live every part of "The Luckiest" on through her amazing eyes. It wasn't our wedding song yet- but I knew that it would be.

#4 "Midnight Special" was the only song my first band at Benton learned my first year. They moved it for the first time at Home-coming- and we came off to applause. The playing and marching were less than adequate- but what made it special was the pride my students took in our small victory. To have my seniors tell me- "That was the first time we have heard cheering!"- that was wonderful.

#5 "Novo Lenio" at the 2011 Spring Concert- this is the first time that I played under a student's baton. I was very proud of all members of that band- but to have Sam on the stand leading- that was special.

#6 Spring Sectional Day 2012- having the clinicians sit in with the band at the end of this day was an amazing sound to hear. Students and special people making music together for the first time is a moment I wish I could re-live over and over again.

Significant Moments of My Life to this point at 31

We can start with the obvious- moments with my wife:
#1 The night that I started dating my wife-to-be. It is a very vivid memory to me. I'm sure it's the same stirring memory for everyone. I remember saying, "I'm going to to kiss you now." and that being the best statement of my life. It connected me with the person I would build my adult life with.

#2 The night I almost broke up with my wife-to-be. It was in college- so not even close to our wedding day. I remember that I was ready for it to be over. I started for the door when I looked back and saw her in obvious pain. Huge tears that drew my attention to her eyes. I remember seeing in her eyes that she loved me. It was something we had said, and I believed- but at that moment, it was very clear that our love was not for puppies. It was a love that after that night- I knew would be wonderful and worth the work of keeping.

#3 The night I proposed was a few days before our anniversary. I couldn't wait. I remember having the ring for a long time- I had to have it to show her parents first. There was a point where she asked, "What are you doing?" Thinking about that moment always makes me smile. It was fast and normal from there, but still great.

#4 Our Wedding Day was amazing. I don't really remember anything about being at the Altar. I remember almost falling flat on my face, slipping on her dress. I remember folding programs with my groomsmen and ushers right before the wedding. Most of all, I remember falling asleep in the trolley that took us around Kansas City before the reception. My wife always likes to tease me about how that happened- and I always play into the joke with the explanation, "I was saving my energy for the night festivities...." but I don't think that was quite it. Throughout my life, I have had problems falling asleep. I still do, but I remember in that moment after the ceremony just feeling so content. Content enough to just rest next to her. It's weird- but I wasn't bored or exhausted- I just felt very safe in that moment.

#5 The night we drove through a deer. I had just bought my amazing van. It was less than a month old when we were driving up to Des Moines for my sister's graduation. We were about 30 minutes from our arrival (just finishing watching 'Rounders' on our portable DVD player) when I looked up from the movie and noticed the deer in the distance. I tried to swerve- but the deer had a death wish. Luckily, it was not a buck (no antlers). We ended up decapitating it with Amber's side of the car. Amazingly, Amber was the calm one in the scenario- and helped me get a hold of my dad to come pick us up.

#6 This moment happens a lot, but there is no better end to the day than when I finally make it to bed and my sleeping wife rolls over to put her arms around me. It doesn't happen every night, but when it does, it is the best close of my day.